


A Leap of Faith

by sebvet



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 08:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3283298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebvet/pseuds/sebvet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fill: A driver receives a strange letter from an anonymous person.</p><p>Disclaimer: this is a work of complete fiction. None of it is true, none of it happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Leap of Faith

_Even though you don’t know it, I look up to you and appreciate you more than you’d ever imagine. Thank you._

 

Mark looks at the handwriting scrawled on the piece of paper he found stuffed under his hotel room door with complete confusion. He swears he’s seen this handwriting before but for the life of him, he can’t pick it. Who would write this for him? Is this a mistake? Did someone get the wrong room? He turns the paper over in his hand to see if there’s anything on the back - any kind of evidence as to who left it or who it came from. No such luck.

He sits on the bed with the piece of paper still in his hand and thinks about who it could’ve come from - who it would’ve come from. Mark knows that this handwriting is familiar and it’s frustrating him to his core that he can’t pick it. He decides to leave it be for now; he has to shower and go over some telemetry from the day’s free practice sessions before he turns in for the night. He sets the piece of paper down on the nearest bedside table and decides that it can be tomorrow’s problem.

_____

Sebastian still hasn’t come to terms with Mark’s retirement announcement and he doesn’t think he’ll accept it any time soon. Sure, they’ve had a rocky past at times and sure they don’t always see eye to eye and fine, he’ll admit that this year has been anything but good to Mark so far but he didn’t think this would be it. He thought he had more time with Mark by his side as his teammate. He thought he had more time with him in general.

He knows that Mark thinks he’s a little shit and he knows that he doesn’t have Mark’s complete respect as a result of things that have come to pass between them, but he needs Mark to know that he admires him. For whatever it’s worth and even if it’s a selfish thing to do, he needs to tell him. He thinks of ways of bringing it up and it all just seems like a cruel joke. He doesn’t want to see Mark’s reaction for fear of complete rejection and betrayal. He doesn’t want to see Mark’s reaction for fear of acceptance and acknowledgment. He doesn’t want to see Mark’s reaction because he knows that there’s always been something beneath the surface with them; never acted upon and never mentioned. Nevertheless, always there - and Sebastian doesn’t want to start something he can’t finish. He doesn’t want to start something that’s already finished.

He decides on a letter. He has no idea of what he’s going to say or even of what he wants to say. His first try is an entire page - back to front - expressing his feelings and apologising for things that were out of his control. Telling Mark that in many ways, growing up around him and having him by his side was the best thing he could’ve asked for because he learned so much from Mark and his own life experiences. Telling Mark that if he’d had to choose anyone on the grid at the start of 2009 to be his teammate, he would’ve chosen him. He’d always choose him. Regardless of the shit they’d been through and regardless of the hole in their relationship, he would always choose Mark.  
After a few minutes, Sebastian looks over the piece of paper he holds in his hands and scrunches it up with contempt as he puts his head in his hands. He didn’t think it would be this hard. He never thought it would ever end up being this hard.

He decides to keep it short and sweet; he hears his old school teacher’s voice in his head, “Always get to the point, Sebastian. It does no one any good when you ramble on”. Words to live by, he thinks.  
Finally, he picks up another fresh piece and writes two lines on it, rips the rest of the unused paper off and tosses it aside. He looks it over once - his handwriting is neater than usual, almost unrecognisable even to himself - shoves it in his pocket and decides that if he doesn’t do it now, he never will.

Their rooms are on different floors and Sebastian thinks about how they never used to be so far apart, in all senses of the phrase. On his way downstairs for dinner, he stops on Mark’s floor, swallows the giant lump in his throat and makes his way to Mark’s room. He knows Mark isn’t back yet so he takes his chance and quickly shoves the paper underneath the door and flicks it in the room. Sebastian takes a huge breath - one that he wasn’t sure he knew he was holding - and walks back to the elevators.

_____

Mark takes a shower and thinks of the note.  
He sits down at the small desk filled with papers and work and thinks of the note.  
He tries to look over telemetry but he can feel the small piece of paper sitting on the other side of the room burning a hole in the back of his head.  
He gets into bed, switches the side lamp off - not before going over it again, trying to figure out who’s handwriting it belongs to - and thinks of all the people who might a) have anything like that to say to him and b) know which room he’d be in in the first place and still comes up blank. Finally, he decides to go with his original plan to leave it until tomorrow because he knows he’s tired and the more he thinks about it, the less clear it becomes.

It must have been at least an hour ago, Mark thinks, that he switched the lamp off and he’s finally drifting off when it dawns on him. His eyes shoot open and he scrambles to sit upright and turns the lamp back on. He takes the piece of paper and looks at it again. He has definitely seen this handwriting before and he almost chokes when the realisation of where he’s seen it hits him. He looks at the clock and it reads only 25 minutes after having initially gone to bed. Still early enough. He gets up, puts a shirt on, doesn’t bother with shoes or socks, puts his room key in his pyjama pants pocket along with the piece of paper, and walks out. He makes his way to the elevators and presses the button for the floor above his. He shakes his head to himself that they still keep tabs on each other’s room numbers. They never used to be this far apart.

Mark stands in front of the door for what feels like an eternity. Does he really want to do this? Is he really ready to ask a question that he probably doesn’t want the answer to? He realises that this probably isn’t the best place to be lingering around so he knocks on the door six times in a particular rhythm, just like they used to when things were so much easier between them. When things were so much happier. He hears movement on the other side of the door and then it stops and he knows Sebastian knows it’s him. The door slowly opens and Sebastian looks so small. Dressed in a thin t-shirt and boxer-briefs, his hair damp and mussed, a nervous look on his face.

"Can I come in?" Mark stands awkwardly still in the hallway, thankful that he took the time to put a shirt on before he rushed out of his room.

"Uh, yeah, yep - of course you can," Sebastian steps further back into his room and opens the door wider, allowing space for Mark to walk by him.

The tension in the air is thick and Sebastian’s stomache bottomed out as soon as he registered Mark’s knock. On some level, he knew this was coming, but at the same time, he almost wished Mark would have just let it go and accepted the note for what it was. A white flag. There’s not much he can do about it now though, so he closes the door and turns around to lean on it, facing Mark.

Neither of them say anything for a couple of minutes but they both know they’re just delaying the inevitable. Sebastian refuses to speak first so he lets the silence go on. Mark sighs and puts a hand in his pocket, taking out the folded piece of paper. He holds it up to Sebastian and gives him a questioning look. When Sebastian still doesn’t speak, Mark takes a step forward and asks, “This came from you. Why?”

Sebastian just shakes his head and breathes out a sigh of his own as he says, “Because you needed to know. I couldn’t let you leave without you knowing.”

There’s a hint of a smile on Mark’s face as he looks at Sebastian, soon to be 4 time World Champion, in many ways still this little boy who has the world at his feet, taking no prisoners on his way to greatness. Mark knows what Sebastian knows, though. There’s always been something buried in the darkest depths between them, something neither of them were brave enough to ever seek out, but Mark thinks that maybe just this once, he’ll give in, because if Sebastian can be brave and take a chance, then so can he.

He takes another small step toward Sebastian who is still leaning against the door, probably making sure he’s got a quick exit if things go awry, Mark thinks to himself. When Sebastian doesn’t move or try to leave, Mark takes yet another step toward him, and then another until he’s right in front of him.

Mark dips his head down slowly and whispers in Sebastian’s ear, “Thank you,” and he can feel Sebastian’s body tense but not out of fear or distaste, with something very different. Something that makes Sebastian lean his head into the side of Mark’s cheek. Something that makes Sebastian’s breath hitch. Mark moves his head back so he’s facing Sebastian again, almost nose to nose and he knows he shouldn’t. He knows he should walk away. They’ve made it this far without crossing a line, he should just walk away. But instead he moves so they’re forehead to forehead, breathing each other’s air, and Sebastian isn’t sure he hears Mark when he murmurs, “ _Seb,_ ” before he’s pressing their lips together so softly, so gently, so incredibly delicately.

Neither of them move. It’s not a hard or desperate kiss, there’s no tongue or heated passion. It’s exactly what Sebastian had feared in the first place. It’s acknowledgment of something they both knew existed but never gave in to. If they were different people in different stages of their lives, if they weren’t destined to be rivals, it might have worked out differently. But this is it and this is them and they both accept that fate. Mark is the first to pull away and he looks at Sebastian: his eyes are still closed and his lips are a shade of pink that Mark has never seen before, just barely parted. Sebastian opens his eyes and smiles at Mark and for a split second, he thinks that maybe they could make it work. Maybe Mark leaving opens the door for them to explore what neither of them had ever dared consider. But for the time being, he’ll take this.

Fate is a funny thing after all.


End file.
